"I found out she was cheating again, in the third month after we gave birth to the child, but I never thought about divorce. I just hope she can look back." This is the bitterness my friend confided to me a few days ago.
After 5 years of marriage and the third month after giving birth, he discovered the ambiguous chat history between her and a man on his wife’s mobile phone, and this was not the first time. .
They met on a blind date. To put it bluntly, they got married because they were right. When it comes to love, there is really not much. His wife cheated on her for the first time, not long after they got married.
After first discovering that he had cheated, he wanted to divorce at that time, but at that time, his father was hospitalized, and his wife was busy helping and taking care of his father.
Later, his father recovered and was discharged from the hospital. He still thought about his wife, and his wife promised him that he would never do it again. When he softened his heart, he forgave his wife for cheating.
1: How can divorce be an easy thing?
In the meantime, his wife came one after another. He was well aware of the several instances of overstepping the boundaries, but since his wife had not had sex with her, he turned a blind eye.
Later, after she got pregnant, she really settled down and worked as a good wife for a period of time. She thought it would be good to have a child, but she didn’t expect that she would be married again a year after my pregnancy ended. Cheated.
But the child is still so young, so there is still no divorce in the end. I just hope that she can look back, even if it is just pretending.
He told me that he really envied those people who could get divorced if they just disagreed. But I still don't understand why they left so simply. How could they let go of all the marriages so easily.
Two: Divorce is not just physical separation, but also psychological tearing
Dissuasion for unclear reasons Divorce is actually a very unwise thing for people to do, let alone how big of a mistake they made and whether there is any room for amends.
Let’s just talk about some of the obstacles faced in divorce, such as children, property, work, and parents. In addition to these readily available practical reasons, there are also more psychological reasons.
For example, some habits formed by two people over the years, the way they get along, and their psychological dependence.
Including panic and discomfort in a person’s life, these problems will become the reason why many people do not want to divorce.
So when it comes to marital infidelity, should we pay attention to it or get divorced? It really depends on whether you are willing to repair each other's psychological wounds.
Three: Compulsive repetition
I used to have a pair of friendsFriends, they were a recently married couple. About a year after their marriage, the wife discovered that her husband was having an affair with his ex-girlfriend. After the husband took the initiative to confess, the wife ostensibly chose to forgive.
But every time there is a quarrel, the wife will always bring up the old things again. In fact, the wounds in the wife’s heart have not been repaired. Whenever there is a conflict or dissatisfaction with the marriage, she will attribute all dissatisfaction to her husband. That cheating.
When the husband complains about his wife, he will also turn from guilty to impatient. In the wife’s endless complaints and accusations, he will continue to "beautify" his own mistakes and excuse himself, "I took the initiative to confess Yeah, we didn’t have sex, I was just chatting.”
If the trauma is not repaired, this kind of "compulsive repetition" will continue to occur. What we often call settling old scores is actually a manifestation of "compulsive repetition".
The pain of compulsive repetition will become addictive. You will attack and argue with the other person into a habit. This is a psychological dependence. Intellectually, you know that you should change or repair. Either leave, but emotionally you will be stuck in this bad relationship and unable to extricate yourself. Coupled with various factors hindering it, it forms a vicious cycle.
Four: A free marriage requires a free heart
The key to breaking this cycle is The attitudes of the two of you, many times, when you are stuck in a cycle, there is always one person who does nothing in the marriage.
In this case, no matter how hard the other party tries, it will be in vain. In contemporary society, marriage seems to be free, but in fact it is not free. Many times, even if there are many problems in marriage, we will not Divorce is easily chosen.
Whether to divorce or not is a personal choice, but whether you are willing to change or not is related to whether your choice is correct. The first step to change is to learn to reconcile with your inner pain. You deserve the best. Relationships also deserve a better partner.
If you have the courage to face pain, the communication between you and the other party will be more valuable. Only when both of you are willing to change, can you get rid of the current marital predicament, break the compulsive repetition, and go Pursue and establish new marital relationships.
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